White Boy Tats
Toronto Raptors Small Forward Linas Kleiza likes tattoos, just not on certain people. Earlier this week, Kleiza released a statement on how he feels about tattoos.
“I like tattoos, but not on myself. On white guys, they stand out too much. On black players, they look good.” (via I Am a GM)
Considering NBA has some of the most tatted up athletes in the world, let’s look at some of these white guys he’s talking about. And from the looks of them, it’s hard for me to disagree with Kleiza.
We’ll start off with a guy who doesn’t have that many tattoos. On his right arm, Walton has a tat of four “Grateful Dead”-type dancing skeletons, all of which have basketballs. The skeletons are supposed to represent Luke and his three brothers. This tattoo is just ridiculous. From afar it just looks like a bunch of stick figures dancing around a fire. You can’t come up with anything better to show some love for the family?
You know when people say decisions stick for life? Well Brad Miller didn’t listen. This guy got a tattoo of the “And 1” symbol and Scrappy Doo. Getting a Jordan symbol like Marcin Gortat is one thing, but “And 1” isn’t even around anymore. If you’re going to get a tattoo maybe you should get one of a company that’s going to stay around. Think William H. Macy in Wild Hogs! Also, a tattoo of Scrappy Doo? You couldn’t even get one of the main characters in the show?
The second Miller on this list has quite a few tattoos. One of them in particular had the world perplexed. That tattoo on his right shoulder was finally revealed as the Celtic Tree of Life. Who knew the former Rookie of the Year was so spiritual? It would probably look better if he grew the hair out again.
J-Will had the moves, he had the swag, and he had the tats. One of the most tatted up white guys in the league, number 55 definitely had some ones that stood out. He has some dragons and some ones with basketballs. Yet the most notable one is none other than the “White Boy” tattoo on his knuckles. You can compare Williams’ success in the league to Eminem in the rap game, but does he really need some ink to remind him of that? The full spelling can’t even fit on one of the knuckle!
When I first started making this list and Robert Swift’s name came up my first thought was, perfect. This guy is a perfect example of what not to do if you aren’t producing in the league. It looks like instead of working on his game, he was working on his body art. On his left arm, he has almost a full sleeve of what looks to be some tribal war paint. On his right arm, he has what looks to be a Titan coming in from the Tomahawk dunk (that one actually would look pretty good if it was on a high flying dunker). Maybe if Swift went to college he would have realized that when he’s 70 years old these tat’s are going to look even more ridiculous than they do now.
Chris “Birdman” Andersen
If you didn’t know this guy was coming, I don’t know where you’ve been in the past few years. Andersen aka “Birdman” arguably has more tats than all of these guys combined. I thought he was done when he got seven different types of birds on him, including those massive wings on his arms. Nope, he went and added a colorful “Free Bird” tattoo on his neck. Andersen is so inked right now he looks like a preschooler’s coloring book. Normally, when you’re interviewed in a magazine, you go to a gym and take them through a day in the life. Andersen was being tatted during a Slam Magazine interview a few years ago. Now that’s saying something.
When I first read Kleiza’s statement I wanted to disagree with him, but after further review, he couldn’t be more right.