Pete Rose reinstated, to buy Cleveland Indians

  • Nicholas Persichilli
Pete Rose slides into third with a triple (Credit Rusty Kennedy/AP)

Pete Rose slides into third with a triple (Credit Rusty Kennedy/AP)

The world rejoice! Baseball’s hit king is back! It’s been nearly 26 years in the making as August 24, 1989 was the date that Pete Rose accepted his permanent ban from Major League Baseball. Today marks the day that Pete Rose accepted his full reinstatement thanks to a decision and pardon of sorts from the new Commissioner of Major League Baseball, Rob Manfred.

In a pre-written statement this morning Manfred said:

It is with great pleasure that I announce the full and complete reinstatement of Pete Rose effective at 12:00PM Eastern time today. Mr. Rose has served out his punishment and we have made our anti-gambling stance very clear over the last twenty five-plus years. Mr. Rose will be making an announcement around noon today, and you will be in for a great surprise. He’s sliding headfirst back into the game in a HUGE way. Stay tuned!

Manfred did not allow any questions after his statement.

This decision has made Rose eligible for enshrinement in the Major League Baseball Hall of Fame. The MLBPA Veteran’s Committee and BBWAA held a special vote today that will put Rose in the 2015 Hall of Fame Class. Pete Rose finished his baseball career with 4,256 hits and a .303 average, making him a shoe-in for the Hall. The special vote was 1 vote shy of being unanimous with Curt Schilling being the lone dissenter “just to be a dick and have his name attached to a major headline” (his words).

Rose has agreed to stop betting on all sports, but the Commissioner has allowed him to honor the bet that he drunkenly made in Vegas back in 1989 after seeing Back to the Future II because of a grandfather clause in the reinstatement agreement. Rose is apparently very against every aspect of Biff Tannen (a character from the movie) and he placed a $100,000 bet (in 1989 with 1000000:1 odds) that the Cubs would lose the 2015 World Series in exactly 5 games. In the movie, the Cubs defeated Miami in 5 games, and Tannen made a ton of money because he knew the outcome in advance thanks to Marty McFly dropping an almanac from the future which contained major sports scores. Rose states:

I just really hate that friggin’ guy, you know? I didn’t want him getting rich, so I went right out and bet exactly against him, hoping to be the rich gambling tycoon that he became while he wallows in his sorrow. It sounds stupid, but I was 40 beers deep and I really liked to gamble.

The movie’s World Series matchup (Chicago Cubs vs. Miami) is an impossible scenario being that both teams are in the National League. Rose wanted to maintain some level of “authenticity” so in the spirit of 1980s movies, he has decided to purchase and relocate the Cleveland Indians to Miami, FL. Rose has been planning this for years and has a group of friends/investors known as the ‘Proud Peters’ who have joined their capital and have made an offer that has been accepted by the Indians former owner Larry Dolan. The Proud Peters consist of Pete Rose, Peter Gabriel, Peter Griffin, Pete Townsend and Pete Sampras. Per an agreement by both parties, the monetary value for the purchase will not be disclosed at this time.

As for relocation, the league has already voted this morning to allow the move effective immediately. The Indians will change their name to the “Frogs” and they will share Marlins Park with the Marlins for 2015 and 2016 while a new beachfront stadium known as the Lilly Pad is built on Miami’s famous South Beach. In order to coerce the league to allow the move, the Proud Peters have purchased custom Deloreans and Rolexes for each owner and GM in the league.

As you probably recall, Cleveland fans aren’t too keen on their teams being relocated (see Baltimore Ravens). To appease the fans in Cleveland, the league voted to allow the Indians to retain rights to their records, colors and name. The “new” Cleveland Indians will be an expansion team in 2016 along with the San Juan Hombres, the first MLB team in Puerto Rico. Larry Dolan will be given the first opportunity to take either of the new franchises as part of his deal with MLB/PP.

We’re in for a pretty weird year of baseball, but at least the offseason is almost over! For all of your REAL baseball news, be sure to check back on days that are not April 1st.



Nicholas Persichilli
Assistant to the Site Manager
Reading Between the Seams
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