I am an NFL fanatic. The trait was bred into me. I watch games, read the articles, look at pictures, and spend my free time thinking about the sport. As a football fan, I’d never given much thought to hair style choices that football players make. For the bulk of the time, NFL player’s hair monstrosities are safely hidden under protective helmets. Helmets that serve the dual purpose of protect the players from injury and ridicule. Then the helmets are removed on the sidelines or for an interview. The viewer is left unprotected from the psychological harm that can occur when the eyes are trained on a butchered hair job. As fans we need to know who has horrible haircuts, so we can be prepared to avert our eyes.
Here is a list to help you do just that. There are the WORST hairstyles currently in the NFL.
Troy Polamalu (Steelers)
Polamalu has long been heralded for his iconic hair. His hair is long enough to hand well below his helmet. Troy Polamalu has been dragged to the ground by his long locks on numerous occasions. That is not my beef with his long hair. While long hair can be perilously dangerous in football, it is not enough to earn a spot on this list. I don’t care that Heads and Shoulders has decided the hair is fabulous enough to insure for 1 million dollars. I consider the hair one of the worst in football because it has the wildness, frizziness, and puffiness of Disney’s Merida with none of the charm. Polamalu’s hair type would be better suited for a shorter style.
Antonio Garay (Jets)
Garay has a long history of hairstyles that are eye sores. He seems to order the barber to buzz cut his hair, carve out weird designs, and then dye the hair a myriad of fluorescently bright colors. A buzz and intricate designscan be badass if you squint the right way. Once you add the neon green, the yellow, the red, or the purple, you delve firmly into crazy town. It has all of the finesse, style, and badassery of a toddler.
Dontari Poe (Chiefs)
Poe might be a stellar football player, but this hairstyle leaves a lot to be desired. His head seems blocky enough without adding the large braids to the picture. The large braids makes his head seems chubbier than he actually is. I’d go to straight corn rose or crop the hair close to the head. This hair style is doing nothing for him.
Tom Brady (Patriots)
Brady has never had a history of amazing hair-dos. This latest monstrosity is another horrible mark on his record. The undercut has long been lauded as a savior for short men everywhere because it adds a few precious inches. At 6’4’’ you have to wonder, what is the guy trying to compensate for? And who gave him the idea to such a weird sweep to the right?
Mark Sanchez (Jets)
Sanchez haircut isn’t as much of a monstrosity, but it’s still pretty bad. First off, the length looks weird. Maybe it’s the position of the picture, but it looks like he has a baby mullet. Not as a bad as a fully fleshed mullet…but still enough to be weird. And don’t even get me started about the sports styled head bands he wears to hold his hair back. It’s weird. Just saying.
Kyle Orton (Cowboys)
I have two words for you: Howard Wallowitz. Am I the only one that sees the resemblance between the all-star football player and dweeby engineer on The Big Bang Theory? Remove the weirdly prepubescent beard, mustache, and side burns, sweep the hair a bit more to the right, and you got yourself a certified geek.
Nick Foles (Eagles)
Nick Foles: the boy wonder. He does it all—charges down the football field and croons love songs that prepubescent girls go crazy for. It’s so wholesome it’s cute. Not really the image that a football player would want. He needs to sheer the floppy locks down.
Domata Peko (Bengals)
Peko is a less enthusiastic and image conscious Troy Polamalu. I didn’t think you could get worse than Polamalu. Peko thanks for proving me wrong. Once again wild, curly, and staticy hair is better short. Add to that the monstrosity of a beard and moustache that Hagrid of Harry Potter would be proud of, and you have hideousness of a new level.
Drew Brees (Saints)
Brees undoubtedly has a bead haircut. You can’t really blame the guy. Dude’s hair is fleeing. That doesn’t change the fact that there are better haircuts for men unlucky enough to have male patterned baldness in the family line. The style he ultimately chooses is up to him, but the dudes got to do something.
Brett Keisel (Steelers)
Keisel clearly gets his inspiration from Duck Dynasty. I’m all for the facial hair—despite what my previous comments suggest. It’s just that I think it should be tamed in some way. We need some sign that you’re not just rolling out of bed after three days of not showering. Between the untamed hair (in other pictures), the beard, and what seems to be a collection of 4 or 5 hats. I’m left with the feeling that he might not be too pleasant to stand next to.
By: Brett Collins- Sports-Kings Guest Contributor
Brett Collins spent a good portion of his youth experimenting with his hair. This has led to him having an intimate knowledge of bad hair days. He currently writes on behalf of Hair Physicians and Browsemob.