Sports movies are not only a fixture in our lives, but also a staple for our inspiration. However, nothing can ruin a good story faster than a crappy sports movie. These horrid movies are interesting in that we find all the flaws in characters and storylines to be of the highest hyperbole. One thing is for sure, I get quite the laugh analyzing these movies. Wait, a dog can score a basket on the court against human players? I guess I must not have the imagination these executive producers have in Hollywood.
Bad News Bears Go To Japan
10.) Summer Catch
Freddie Prinze Jr. stars as a lights out pitcher poised to get drafted. In the meantime he is mowing lawns as he really symbolizes the movies main theme of him being a blue-collar type person. Enter Jessica Biel – the rich chick vacationing. Yup, we’ve seen this recycled plot 100 times, but there is a real spin this time around. Freddie is pitching a perfect game in the biggest game of his life. This doesn’t matter however, as he leaves the game to go chase the only real woman he must have ever cared about.
You know, because anytime you’re about to embark on the rare feat of pitching a perfect game you give that all up to get the only thing that matters in life… the rich chick whose dad hates you.
First off, let me preface by saying, “Eddie does not score” as one of the headlining comments suggest. Also, WOR-TV, New York should never be allowed to comment on a movie again. “Is Hilarious!” They’re kidding I hope. I want to meet the guy or gal that said this. This movie is a colossal failure. Whoopi has had a few good flicks in her day, but this is not one of them.
Pretty simple plot here. One of New York City’s 7,383 cab drivers actually attends every home Knicks game from the nose bleeds! However, here is where the plot really thickens; Whoopi wins a contest to be honorary coach of the Knicks in the second half!
Whoopi shapes these professionals into tip-top form as the New York Knicks position themselves for a playoff berth. Consequently, Whoopi is told by team owner if they win and clinch a berth the owner intends to sell the team to group that will move them to St.Louis.
Understandable, right? Hey, let’s move one of the all-time storied franchises in one of the biggest cities on earth to a smaller city in the midwest! Better yet, if you win and make the playoffs and earn the team more money, I will be forced to sell the team!
Field goal kicking mule. Figure it out.
7.) The Benchwarmers
An instant Adam Sandler film classic! That’s what the headline should say! Ugh, more like another terrible Happy Madison production.
Three nerds playing baseball against kids is just want I need in my life. Not to mention Spade and Heder both failed to learn how to swing a bat during their lifetimes.
Smash cut to the championship game with team Benchwarmers losing 42-0 in the 6th inning, shouldn’t the game have been called there? I’m all for miracle comebacks, but I’ve yet to be apart of a 42-0 comeback which would be the equivalent of being down 92-0 in an NFL game. Anyway, the Benchwarmers end up scoring a run and the team rushes the field in unison to celebrate. I can’t remember celebrating a thrashing either, no matter what lesson I’ve just learned. We’ll leave it at that.
6.) Over The Top
Not exactly the Rocky trilogy, but what better way to waste 90 minutes?
A struggling trucker whose life appears to fall off the tracks after the death of his wife, he decides after that to make amends with his estranged son. His son doesn’t think too highly of him and why would he, right? Well guess what that’s all about to change when Stallone enters a competitive arm wrestling tournament in Las Vegas!
I love the tagline, “Some fight for money…Some for glory…He’s fighting for his son’s love.” Yeah like that will win his son back, winning a competitive arm wrestling competition. Again, a must see flick!
I don’t think we’ll be seeing many more Matt Leblanc sports movies any time soon. This movie was sitting at a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes after 11 reviews.
Leblanc befriends the team mascot “Ed.” He also is a real life chimpanzee. Also happens to be the teams 3rd baseman. Wait, there’s more, at one point “Ed’ has to pitch. Oh boy!
I’m thinking if anyone does another sports movie with any form of the word Ed, Eddie, Edster, whatever, just quit right there.
The film received three Razzie Awards for worst Picture, Screenplay, and Screen Couple. I know, I was surprised as well.
The only good thing about this movie was the soundtrack. It has some nice cameo’s as well, but let’s not mix this up with Space Jam.
I love watching a 5’3″ young Lil Bow Wow dunk on 7′ center David Robinson. But there is a catch! He has to be wearing his special sneakers he got from the local Salvation Army in order to reveal these special talents.
Bow Wow also goes on to win the dunk contest. Hey, Nate Robinson won it, and he’s only a few inches taller than Bow Wow. Why not?
Flash forward to the end when Bow Wow’s shoes are destroyed with his team down one point at the end of the game. During the time-out he tells the team he will retire after this game. Nothing like being 13 and being able to retire, but wait, the Knights still need to score to clinch a playoff berth. Bow Wow enters the court after the timeout without any of his special talents, yet still finds a way to drop a dime for the game winning hoop.
The movie also has a whole slew of moves Bow Wow makes while faking out these seasoned professionals. A little too corny for me. What’s worse is he dunks from the three-point line, how am I suppose to take this movie seriously after that? At least the movie pumped out a good soundtrack though, right?
3.) The Fan
A struggling knife salesman is the role of De Niro. I didn’t even know there were knife salesmen. This movie should have had more baseball action in it, but it’s more about an obsession of a whacked out fan.
What better storylines than to have a creepy, stalking and kidnapping fan go ape on a player? Seems pretty normal to me, right? This movie plays more on the weird creepy side, and I like to have a firm image of De Niro playing great in mafia roles or the S.O.B yet funny dad in Meet The Parents.
At some point this film gets out of control with how De Niro gets information on where players live, even finds another player relaxing at a local spa. If that’s not enough, he even get access to the bullpen. With restraining orders on him he still manages to show up to the games. I find this all hard to believe, but hey there are crazy lunatic fans out there.
2.) Juwanna Mann
When basketball stars get banned from the NBA what do they usually do? You guessed it, jump straight to the WUBA! Otherwise known as the Women’s pro league. Oh no, just when I thought we were officially out of movie ideas this comes along to derail my thinking!
Let me preface this by saying I’ve seen some pretty crazy crap, but never an NBA player getting so mad at a referee’s call that he takes off all his clothes and flashes everyone. To top this all off he apparently is broke and loses everything, which generally does happen to NBA players, so I’ll give them the nod there.
Everything else is predictable as he goes on dates with men, gets aroused by fellow female teammates and leads the team on a winning streak.
One good thing out of this movie is Fat Joe’s song “What’s Luv” that was popular during the early 2000′s.
1.) Air Bud
He Sits. He Stays. He Shoots. He Scores? Are you kidding me! What a tagline!
The reason this movie is the worst is because they made a whole slew of other movies. I love golden retrievers, but not in my basketball movies. Or football, baseball, and volleyball flicks for that matter.
A young, talented, stray dog with amazing basketball abilities. Wow, I actually still get speechless reading some of the taglines for this horrendous movie.
It’s always entertaining to see every user review titled as “Not that bad” or “Wasn’t as painful as you may think.” Better yet, “I’ve seen worse.” Yeah, it’s never a good idea to go into a movie with those kind of reviews.
Please enough with the Air Bud movies!